Chastity Child
by technically a lie
Summary: The rest of the night was a blur of clothing being removed and skin. She tasted sweet and moist, like fruit. I should have known then, that I would fall for her. Edward Cullen realizes he's fallen for his long time sex-friend Bella Swan. All Human
1. 1:24 AM

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight, or its sequels. Anything affiliated with the aforementioned novels are not owned by me. This is chapter one, in a story, therefore this disclaimer is true also for all upcoming chapters.**

Chastity Child

**Chapter One  
**

Turning over I looked at the dark outline of the girl lying beside me. She was very striking, a model in looks. A curvy body that made heads turn. Perfect in nearly every way. Every guy's dream catch. Exactly my type.

Except she wasn't.

She wasn't enough. They were never enough anymore.

There was a time I didn't think so. There was a time that girls like the one lying next to me were what I lived for. Shamelessly I would chase after them, and shamelessly they would allow me to catch them. I would stay for a while, until I got bored, and then I'd move on.

It's just the way it was with me.

I took a deep breath, and pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes.

But then there was _her._ It had all started innocent enough. There was the party, the alcohol, and the girl. We had come to an agreement quickly enough after that night. If neither of us were in a relationship, or even just dating or seeing someone, then we would have each other.

There were many nights throughout the years when she'd warm my bed, or I hers. There were times when we would both sneak away to fill a need. Sometimes the only shelter being a semi secluded corner, wall, or car. She was the easy way for me to let out all my frustration, my hurt, my lust. And I, hers.

It wasn't until recently that I discovered my feelings for her.

And I was afraid of them.

Love wasn't a part of the agreement we had made, and I'm sure she didn't feel the same way. How could she?

She was sweet, and gentle. She may not have had her virtue for a long time, but it didn't change the fact that she was pure. She was honest, and unbearably kind. She didn't whore around like I did.

I could admit it to myself now.

There was nothing compelling about my behavior. There was nothing good about it. In all honesty I was probably a scum bag. I was the guy that, once he had his fun, was gone. I was the guy that, if he thought you were interesting enough, would start a relationship, but it didn't mean it would last long. I'd promise to call, and yet never get around to it.

Yeah, I was that guy.

And I was in love with someone I didn't deserve. I was in love with an angel.

I might not deserve her, but it didn't mean I wasn't selfish.

I was going to try.

I was going to try to get her to love me too. I was going to stop with all of the girls, and show her I was worthy. I was going to show her I loved her.

But first, I had to wait for the girl lying next to me to leave.

I could be honest and tell her I wasn't going to call. I could be honest and tell her there was someone else. I hope she wouldn't wait by the phone.

I didn't want to be that guy anymore.

I sighed put my arm back down at my side and rolled over, glancing at the alarm clock.

1:24 AM, the blaring red digits read.

It was about this time that first night. I still remember it like it was only moments ago. When she walked through the door, all breath had left my body. She was beautiful, but looked out of place. She had come in with Alice Brandon, a popular girl.

It wasn't long until she was standing against the back wall next to me. When she caught me looking at her I introduced myself.

_"Hey, I'm Edward." I introduced myself to the girl standing next to me. I had to speak a little louder than usual due to the loud music coming from the speakers, and the chatter of all the people standing around at the party._

_She looked up at me, her brown eyes sparkling as she smiled._

_"Bella," She stuck her hand out and shook mine, "I think you're in my Biology class."_

_I frowned; I think I would remember if she were. "Are you sure?"_

_She nodded, "Yeah, Edward Cullen, right?"_

_I nodded, still trying to think if she were in my class or not._

_I had been distracted today, with my head phones on, finishing up the math homework that was do the next period. I had forgotten about it._

_"Were you the one who sat down next to me?"_

_She nodded, "Yeah, you didn't look up. I think you were doing math homework or something. Anyhow, I'm your new lab partner."_

_"Ah, I'm sorry about that." I reached out and touched her shoulder._

_She beamed, "Don't worry about it."_

_"You wanna get something to drink?"_

_Another nod and we were in the kitchen. When offered she had crinkled her nose at the beer, so I gave her a Smirnoff instead._

_There were already some drunk guys, and not so drunk guys playing beer games. At either side of the kitchen table there were cups set up like bowling pins. Two guys on each side of the table made a team and they each had two ping-pong balls. The object of the game was to try to make your ball into the other team's cups. If you did then the other team had to drink from theirs before the game would continue. If you got both of the balls in the same cup, then the opposing team had to drink from all of the cups on the table._

_It was actually entertaining to watch sometimes. When I realized my drink was gone I looked over at hers, empty as well. I smiled at her and grabbed a few more bottles before leading her out to the back. This house had a pool, and pool chairs. Not to mention, nobody really went out back._

_I sat back into one of the lawn chairs, and she sat down at the end, by my feet._

_"So, tell me about yourself." She said._

_I laughed. It was kind of hard to see her in the dark, as my eyes hadn't adjusted, but it was a beautiful night. The stars were out, but there was no moon._

_"How about we play a game?"_

_I could see her head cock to the side, "What sort of game?"_

_I grinned even though she couldn't see. "Well, for every question each of us asks, and every question we answer we have to take a drink."_

_She thought about it for a few moments before agreeing._

_"Why did you move here?" I took a swallow._

_"My mother got remarried." She took a swallow, "How long have you lived here?" She took another._

_"Since freshman year," I drank from my bottle, "how old are you?" and another._

_"Seventeen. How old are you?" She took two swallows._

_"Seventeen. What's type of music do you listen to?"_

_The questions went on in this fashion for the whole of the next few bottles, until finally they were forgotten. We were learning a lot about each other, even through the haze from the alcohol. I hoped I would remember in the morning._

_After a while we were falling onto each other, she giggling, and I chuckling._

_"What do you mean, you've only ever had one boyfriend?" I laughed. I'm sure my words were slurred._

_"I told you! He was an idiot anyway. I don't know why I ever went out with him."_

_I laughed again, and then stood, but as soon as I did I realized I was a lot worse off than I had thought I was._

_"Ah…"I stumbled into the wall. "I've better get home."_

_She stood as well, and giggling leaned into me, "Here I'll help you stand. Should you be driving home?"_

_"I walked, my parents are out of town, so they won't know I came here anyhow."_

_Still giggling she replied, "That's great. Mind if I come over? Charlie's gone fishing and I don't know if I can find Alice."_

_I slung my arm around her and led her out the front and down the few blocks and short cut to my house, which was about half a mile away and surrounded by trees. The walk didn't seem to take that long, although we were stumbling into everything._

_We made it to my room and stumbled to the bed. "You take the floor I'll have the bed." I slurred._

_She slumped into me before I could flop onto the bed, "Don't be ridiculous."_

_Her mouth was just a few short inches away from my own. All I had to do was lean down just a little bit to kiss her. The blurred state of my mind thought it was an excellent idea, so I went for it._

_Her hands came up around my shoulders and she moaned into my mouth._

_The rest of the night was a blur of clothing being removed and skin. So much skin. Hers was smooth and soft, and __warm. She tasted sweet and moist, like fruit. And the sounds she made._

I should have known then, that I would fall for her.

* * *

**Hmm? Interesting? Let me know what you think and I will continue:D**


	2. 2:12 AM

**_Wow, first off let me say you guys are amazing! I was not expecting that type of feedback at all!_**

_Secondly, let me just say I hope this chapter goes over well. It gives you more insight as to how the story is to be written. I hope it isn't like those other 'playboy' Edward stories. Please tell me if you think it is turning out too much like them? I don't want to write a story you've all read a million times._

**Chapter Two  
**

I suppose back in high school I wasn't so bad.

Sure, there was always a girl coming on to me, but I hadn't had the confidence in high school to do anything about it. It is really only in retrospect I realize just how many girls I could have had if I had wanted. I even dated a couple, but they held no real sway over me, and I had no idea some of the little things I did could get them to do whatever I wanted. I guess despite it all, you could call high school my innocent days.

The only reason I had been able to make the suggestion to her, to Bella, was because as I looked at her I found I couldn't say no. I hadn't been able to deny her anything when she looked at me the way she had then.

There was just something about her eyes, always so innocent and deep, always curious. If you wanted to know what she was thinking I would tell you to look at her eyes, they always gave her away, though her actions rarely matched the emotions running through them. Other times, however, I simply couldn't fathom what was behind the look. As with us all, she had her secrets from me. A fair many, I am sure.

* * *

"Why don't you just do her and get her out of your system?"

That's my problem; I've already 'done' her and still can't stop thinking about her. "Very nice, Jasper, I can see why you're a real ladies man."

I rolled my eyes as I said this, not breaking my stride once we reached the student parking lot. It wasn't exactly his fault. I mean, he had been my best guy friend since freshman year, I told him a lot of things I wouldn't tell anyone else. I knew I could keep my confidence in him, but when I told him about Bella he had assumed I couldn't remember the night, and that is why I kept thinking about it.

He laughed as he opened the passenger side door to my car, "Hey," he threw his hands in the air, "It seems to work for me."

"You like being a douche, don't you?"

I threw my bag into the back seat and after starting the car, reversed, and headed out of the parking lot.

"I'm just saying you should live a little, Edward. You could have most of the girls at school, yet you carry on as if you don't notice. Just a couple girls a week, that's all I'm saying."

I snorted. Jasper wasn't a bad guy, though he did like his women. He was always honest with them from the beginning, letting them know exactly what he had planned for the night and how he thought their relationship would end-at the door directly after he crawled out of the bed. He was a smooth talker. A people person, he could talk you in to anything.

He sighed, giving up on me for the time being, and started messing with the radio. "You gonna stay over for a while? There's a game on tonight."

I shook my head, "Nah, I've got a project for biology I'm working with Bella on. I'm going over to her house to work on it after I drop you off."

He smirked, "You know, I don't think Mr. Banner will accept a paper about how great you think she is in bed."

I laughed and played along, "Yeah well, I'm sure he would like it better than _your_ paper on playing girls."

He rolled his eyes at me, "I don't play them. I tell them straight off it's just dinner and sex for me, no contact at all after. It's for the good of my health, they understand. They don't want their fathers kicking my ass anymore than I do. Besides, it's been what, a month, since Bella's been here? You still haven't gone after her."

I sighed as I pulled into his driveway, putting the car in park for a moment so I could turn and look at him. "Jasper, besides being an incredibly gorgeous girl, she is also a good friend. I don't want her hating me because I asked her to sex with me, and then pretend it never happened after."

"Trust me, she won't hate you." He grinned at me and stepped out of the car, "See you later. Oh, and my Mom says you need to come over more often." He raised his voice into a higher pitch, "He's such a sweet boy, oh if I were young again."

"Nice." Sometimes I wondered if he mother was actually joking or not.

Once he was inside his house I pulled out of the driveway and sped off towards Bella's. I felt nervous for a reason I never understood every time I went to visit her. Sometimes her father, the chief of police, would be there, but most of the time he wouldn't be; especially not on the weekends, when he went fishing, or over to a buddies house to watch a game.

The police Cruiser wasn't in the driveway, so I pulled up next to Bella's beat up old red truck. She was fond of the thing for some reason. I left my bag in the car, it wouldn't be needed. Mostly we would just be online looking up facts and pictures.

I knocked on the front door, and when it opened she smiled up at me.

"Hey, Edward! Long time no see." She waved me in.

I smiled at her as I stepped inside, "Yeah, it's been," I looked down at my watch, "an hour and twenty-five minutes. It's been _far_ too long."

I looked her body up and down as I said this, she blushed. "Yeah. Well the computer is upstairs in my room. Do you want anything to drink?"

I shook my head and she turned on her heal and started up the stairs. She looked the same as she did in Biology today, except she had put her hair up into a pony tail, allowing the long stream of mahogany hair to fall down her back in a straight line. I liked how her hair was always shiny, and how it always smelled like strawberries. I had to stop myself from remembering how smooth it had felt under my fingers.

I walked slowly up the stairs, until finally I was standing outside of her bedroom door. She glanced up at me for a second from the chair at the small desk, amusement clear in her eyes, "You going to come in, or you going to stand there all day?"

I'm sure 'stand here all day' wasn't an actual option.

Her room was small, with her bed the desk and a rocking chair in the corner. When I stepped through the doorway and sat in the extra chair next to her, I couldn't help the nervous flop my stomach did. I was in her room. Call me girl, but I was freaking out about it a little.

Her computer was slow. An hour later and we had only visited three of the required ten sites.

I decided then that tomorrow we were going to have to meet at my house. I usually didn't have to wait for the page to load.

She was staring intently at the page for several moments, before looking down at her note book to copy something down. She had her bottom lip sucked into her mouth slightly in concentration, and she was biting very gently on it. As I looked at her lips I remembered yet again the night we had met, and my conversation with Jasper in my car right after school. I couldn't help how much I wanted to feel her full, pink, lips against my own again.

I wanted to feel their warmth and taste their sweetness. I didn't, however, want to get slapped in the face for suggesting, like Jasper had mentioned, we sleep together so I could get over the constant sexual fantasies I had about her.

I looked back up from her lips to her eyes, and was caught off guard to find her looking back at me, curiosity evident.

"What?" she asked.

I shook my head, no way was I going to tell her what I was thinking.

"No, Edward. What were you thinking about?"

"It's…nothing, just never mind." I quickly looked away, looked anywhere but at her.

"No…please?"

I glanced back, and there it was. The look I knew I couldn't say no to. She had me caught and she didn't even realize it. She had her brows furrowed together and yet her eyes were wide, beseeching. Her mouth was parted ever so slightly, and then she put her hand onto my shoulder, asking me to trust her.

"It's just…I'm always thinking about that night we met, and how great that was." She looked even more confused. I'm sure I sounded like an idiot. How do you get your thoughts and feelings out into words, anyhow? "And also I'm always thinking how great a friend you are. I just wish there was a way I could have it both ways."

She looked down for a second, "You mean like friends…with benefits?"

When she looked back up I nodded. She gave me a look I didn't understand. Her face seemed to fall and rise both at the same time. Like she had been expecting sugar, but got Splenda instead.

I immediately felt like an ass. I tried to backtrack, I even opened my mouth ready to apologize, but she again did something I didn't expect.

She kissed me.

She leaned in and pressed her lips to my own, for a moment only, before pulling away.

"Ok," She said, and nodded.

I was confused. This wasn't how she was supposed to react. She was supposed to get angry, yell at me, slap me. Refuse to ever see me again. Instead she agrees with me?

She stood up from her chair and sat down in my lap, straddling me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me again. As she pressed her body against mine I decided I wouldn't question her motive.

My arms instinctively wove themselves around her waist as I kissed her back. It felt so good to have her there, to feel her against me. She seemed to be a perfect fit. There was no way I was going to question her, ever.

A few moments later she was tugging at my shirt, pulling it off. She kissed down my neck and ran her fingers lightly down my chest. The feeling gave me chills and I felt myself go hard. I grabbed her shoulders suddenly, and lifted her off of me. I turned and placed her down on the bed quickly before joining her there.

My heart was pounding in my chest and in my ears, I could feel it beat through every inch of my body.

I slid my hands up her legs, and under the hem of her shirt, all the way to the base of her bra, feeling her heat against my fingers. I brought my mouth down to her stomach. For every inch of skin I exposed by taking her shirt off, I gave a quick kiss until my mouth was back at hers.

* * *

I suppose I should have been worried her father would show up. I hadn't known if he was coming home after work. The only thing I had been able to concentrate on though, had been the marvelous gift underneath me. The one I got the pleasure of slowly unwrapping.

It had been better than what I remembered the first time to be.

When we finished, and were redressed, we decided on some ground rules. If either of us were seeing anyone, this wouldn't continue until the relationship was over- even if it wasn't a serious relationship. If either of us started to feel anything for the other that was more than friendship, this wouldn't continue. It was better to quit than to get hurt for unreturned feelings. And finally, because we both knew we couldn't keep this to ourselves, we were only allowed to tell our best friends about it.

I had been _such_ an idiot not to have realized.

I grimaced as the red digits I had been unknowingly staring at started to come back into focus; 2:12 AM.

**Boo? Yeah? Nay? lol...still interesting?**


	3. 3:58 AM

Thank you guys so much for your support on this!

And just so you know I am not currently planning a Bella POV, but if this ever changes I will let you know:D

**Chapter Three**

With a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair and climbed out of bed. I needed to get out of the room.

I stepped carefully in the dark, placing my foot down lightly to make sure there wasn't anything to trip over, before placing my full weight down. Reaching onto the chair next to the nightstand for the pair of flannels I always kept there, I put them on before making my way out of the room.

I opened and closed the bedroom door carefully, so as not to wake the woman asleep in my bed. Once out of the room I leaned against the wall next to the door, tilting my head back. What would I say to her if she woke up? 'I'm sorry; I just couldn't breathe lying so close to you while I'm thinking about _her_,'? Yes, because that would go over well.

I used to be able to go to her, to Bella, when I felt like this…when I was agonizing over something. It could vary from something like a math test or something more troubling; like when my parents would get into a very rare argument. They were usually explosive, since they didn't happen often.

I remember the first time she ever came to me. She didn't tell me then what had been troubling her. She never liked to talk about it. Any time I would try to breach the subject she would change the topic. That's how it was nearly every time she would come to me. She'd have this almost wild look in her eyes that would make me comply with her every wish. Though she would never talk about what had brought it on after. She explained to me once, that if she told me she would never be able to be with me in that way ever again.

She seemed to think I wouldn't want her any more. I could never understand her line of thinking there. I couldn't possibly imagine what could make me _want _to stay away from her. Her very _smell_ had been enough to excite me. She always smelled like a wonderful assortment of flowers. One I couldn't put a name to if I tried.

Taking a deep breath, I crossed the hall and entered the bathroom. I flipped the light switch, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the light before turning the faucet on. I leaned down, splashing cold water onto my face before glancing up at my reflection.

_Yeah, look at what you've become now, Edward._

_

* * *

  
_

Jasper had been smug for the whole of the next month.

It made me glad I wasn't giving him his usual ride to school this morning.

Bella called the last night. Her truck was in the shop and they needed to keep it for a day longer than was expected. I was quick to agree to give her a ride. After our conversation I called Jasper, telling him to hitch a ride with someone else.

It's the reason I'm in her driveway now. For a reason I couldn't quite grasp, I had been a little giddy since the phone call. Even my mother had noticed. I turned off the ignition and unbuckled, but before I could get out of the car, Bella was out her front door and headed straight for me.

She was wearing a jean skirt. I felt my eyes bug out of my head as I looked at her. I wished I had a hand in the clothing she was to wear; I'd make her wear skirts all the time.

Instead of making her way to the passenger's side, like I expected her to, she opened my door. She threw her bag into the passenger's seat before climbing in on top of me. Her body was straddling me in the limited space between my chest and the steering wheel.

"Hi." She said, breathless.

"Hey…" I allowed my confusion to color my voice, but placed my hands on her hips all the same. She had this look on her face, like she was running from something.

She laughed nervously a second before she crashed her lips to mine. I was surprised, because she usually wasn't like this, but still happy. Who wouldn't be happy to have this beautiful girl in their lap?

She moved her lips to my jaw and up to my ear, pulling gently on my earlobe with her teeth. I buried my nose in her hair and groaned at the feeling as I inhaled. The sensation of her teeth on my ear, mixed with her smell, sent a fire burning throughout my veins and down to my loins.

She let her hands slide from my shoulders down to the button on my jeans. I moved my hands to hers. Halting the movement, she gave me a hard look, as if daring me to stop her. In that moment she wasn't the innocent Bella I had come to know. She was a Dominatrix, a Siren…a Goddess.

If she wanted to do this in the front seat of my car, I wasn't going to stop her.

She finished unbuttoning my pants, and we shifted our clothing around.

It was the most erotic experience I had ever been a part of, even if not the most comfortable. Watching her ride me with all of our clothing still on, watching her take charge.

She looked peaceful when she closed her eyes, leaning her forehead onto mine and clutching at my chest, my shoulders, and my hair.

I couldn't stop from kissing her everywhere I could reach. I wanted to touch her skin, but all the clothing made that almost impossible. The car made for very little movement. I settled for the little skin showing on her hips, as I placed my hands there, firmly assisting her as she rose and fell.

The limited space made this all the more difficult, and even more appealing. Her short breaths were rushing past my ear. It didn't take long, but when she finally came I was washed with relief as I was able to meet my own release. This had been hers, and I had not wanted to finish before her.

She tilted her head back, panting just as I was. I bent my head so I could kiss the hollow just below her neck. I felt my heart beat even more out of control when she moaned. I liked knowing I could get her to do that, even when I wasn't inside of her.

We sat there for a few more minutes, catching out breath before she leaned back, honking the horn. We both jumped at the sound, and then laughed, deciding we had better get to school.

We walked to the doors a foot away from each other. It was an unspoken rule that we would never touch in front of other people.

A month later I was in discontent. I felt as if there was something wrong with me, emotionally. A doctor might have suggested depression.

Jasper, of course, had a few words to say.

"It's because you are too hung up on that girl."

"Bella," I corrected automatically.

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever, the point is man, you need something to take your mind off of her. Go find another girl at school and shag her brains out until you feel better."

I hadn't planned on taking his advice, but a week later Jessica, from my English class, asked me out. I was about to politely inform her I had other plans when I found myself remembering my conversation with Jasper. I agreed to go out to a movie with her that weekend.

All physical contact with Bella came to a stop. It was both harder and easier than I had expected, and she understood…or at least, she appeared to.

I dated Jessica for a while, two months or so, before I ever made to her bed. I hadn't been able to when she first expressed her desire to be with me. It was a lot different from Bella, but after I went through with it, I found that it was easier to be around her. With Jessica, I was able to hold her hand, and kiss her whenever I felt like it. I didn't have to pretend that our relationship was anything different than it was. If I wanted to walk her to class, I would. If I wanted to kiss her while she was talking to her friends, I would swing her around. I didn't have to bottle everything up.

After a while I found that I missed Bella. I missed having her around all the time, and missed having her in my bed. I missed just _being_ with her. I was feeling well again, better about myself, when I broke up with Jessica. The breakup didn't change things between Bella and mine's no contact immediately; as per the agreement. At least, not until I overheard Mike Newton from my biology class talking about how him and Bella were together.

At lunch, I pulled her behind a building and confronted her about it. Why hadn't she told me? I wasn't jealous. It was one of our rules. She denied it, rolling her eyes and calling Mike an idiot. I wanted to believe her, and didn't much like the feelings that surfaced when I overheard him. So I kissed her.

She immediately wrapped her arms and legs around me, and I struggled with our jeans.

I took her, there behind the school, never minding the cold or the wet. Our reunion wasn't sweet, or anything like a welcome home. It was rough, and hard, demanding. I didn't stop until I had her screaming my name and tearing my hair out in her fists. When it was finally over, all was right in my world again. My anxiety spilled out of me with every drop my release.

* * *

I didn't know the reason Jessica, and every other girl since then, had been so incredibly different was because they had never been enough in the first place.

I had been kidding myself all this time.

The only reason they made it easier for me being around Bella was because I liked her too much for my own good. I was able to use those girls to drain out all of the emotions I was unconsciously concealing from the one who had created them within me.

I blinked at my reflection, staring at the dark circles under my eyes a moment before turning off the bathroom light. I made my way to the kitchen and filled a glass of water. The soft blue light from the clock on the stove caught my attention: 3:58 AM.


	4. Acceptance

**So i'm not sure i should have wrote this chapter so late in the evening...i'm super tired and hope it's alright, but have this nagging feeling it's terrible...**

**if you dislike it, let me know...i'll gladly rewrite it...i don't think it came out right...**

**i'm also sorry for not updating sooner, but My Aphrodisiac got more reviews so i was working on that instead. For those who read that one, you should be happy to note it will be updated again by Saturday, unless work calls me in.**

**Chapter Four**

I stepped away from the sink after setting my glass down, and walked the short distance in the dark to my living room.

The room was furnished only with my black leather couch, a small coffee table, and a television. The piano in the corner made little room for much else. I made my way around the room, my eyes quickly adjusting to the soft moon light filtering through the shades, and sat down at the piano bench.

Reaching over, I grasped the small knob in my fingers to mute the keys. Once satisfied I would not be making enough noise to awaken my house guest I placed my fingers in position. I began by tapping out a few songs I knew by heart, allowing my fingers to warm up to the keys.

After a few minutes I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, letting the emotions run through me and out my fingers. I paid little attention to the songs I was playing, just going through the motions as I sat thinking again, of her. I don't think I could ever fully get her out of my head.

* * *

"What is that anyway?"

"What is what?" She gave me a confused look, pausing in her movements.

We were in her living room, alone in the house as usual, watching T.V. She was sitting on the couch next to me staring at the television, though I could tell from the way her eyes glazed over that she wasn't really watching. When I spoke she tilted her head back and sideways, as though laying her head on her shoulder, to look at me. I was referring to the plain sliver ring on her left hand ring finger. I'm not sure she noticed, but every time she would think about something deeply she would twist the ring in her fingers.

I gestured to her hand clarifying, "The ring. You're always messing with it," and after a moment's thought I added, "It's not a promise ring is it?"

The confusion in her eyes went away and she gave me a weak smile. "I suppose it is in a way…"

I started to nod my understanding, before meaning of her words hit me. I did a few double takes, from her hand to her face, and back again. _Wait…She's promised to be married? What the hell?_

I must have had an odd look on my face, because she quickly stuck her nose in the air and continued on with an airy, disdainful voice, "It's a Chastity Ring; a promise to abstain from sexual activity until marriage."

I rose an eyebrow at her, then glanced at the cross hanging above the fireplace mantel before looking back at her. I'd noticed it before, but from our conversations I had not really considered her the church going type. In fact, she had never seemed to have a very high opinion of church authority. "I thought that was just for show," I said, slowly, nodding my head towards the cross, "I guess I just didn't realize you were religious…"

The corner of her mouth lifted and she looked down, "I'm not…it was my mother's idea…she's…" She let out a sigh and looked away, "She's a devout Christian…stubborn, and very strict."

We were treading into uncomfortable water here, slightly too cold with thick slimy mud at the bottom. Trying to lighten the mood, I smirked, "You're not a very good promise keeper."

Quick as a flash, her eyes were back on mine, "Hey!"

I laughed when she hit my arm. "Hey!" I said back, grabbing her hand, "You _have_ jumped me on several occasions."

She pouted, her bottom lip jutting out adorably, "Have not!"

"Really? Then what would you call that first time in the car? Or even better, that time on the back deck porch swing at my house-with my mother just inside? What would you call those?"

I laughed when she growled and poked me in the chest, "Hey, the swing one was _your_ idea, mister!"

I took a breath and sat up straight, composing my face, "Ok, true, but you still broke the promise."

She sighed, "I know. But it wouldn't be good if I took it off, now would it?"

I was about to reply, but suddenly the front door opened and her eyes went wide.

"Bella," a man's voice said, "Why is there a car in the driveway? Do you have a-"

I turned at the sound of his voice to see Chief Swan standing in the doorway. Catching sight of me he stopped talking and suddenly looked very angry. Had I done something?

"Isabella," his voice was deadly calm, "Why is there a boy in this house, with you, alone?"

The sound of his voice was enough to tell me why I had never met him. It also told me why Bella had always asked me to leave before he was due to arrive. Bella started to stammer out an excuse, but he cut her off by pointing to me menacingly.

"Boy, you better get out of this house, right now!"

I wanted to stay there for her, because I wasn't sure what he was going to do. I wanted to, but at the same time I didn't want to make things worse for her, even if I couldn't understand his anger.

I stood quickly, grabbing my jacket before beginning my walk out to my car. Charlie was red in the face now, from anger, but I was sure his intentions were not to hurt her.

Even though my heart pound wildly within my chest as I made my way past him and out the door, I knew I was not afraid for myself, oddly.

When I asked Bella about her father the next day at school she had only replied that he didn't like boys. Apparently her father firmly believed in chaperones. Even now. As far as he was concerned, she was his innocent little girl in danger of having her virtue stolen.

Life went on. We hardly talked about that day again except for in passing, jokes.

Graduation came quickly. The end of our high school career came, and we were ecstatic. College would start in the fall. For now we had the summer, but soon we would move from our parent's homes and on to dorms.

With College came my downfall. I discovered my ego in college. The time in my life I failed my best friend. Because, make no mistake, she was my best friend.

She needed me, and I turned my back on her. It wasn't intentional, but it was there all the same.

Her parents hadn't been happy with her choice of college, and so had shunned her for a time. She had come to me, but I did not listen to what she needed like I should have Instead, I brushed her off with an explanation about how I was going to be late picking up my date…She had never looked more hurt.

I apologized later, when I found out what she had needed to talk to me about, but by then she was already living with her friend Alice. She forgave me, of course.

I wished, sometimes that it were still high school. She started to date, and I rarely saw her, choosing instead to go on a dating rampage. I'd take out girls to escape the feelings, knowing she was with another man _right now_, was bringing out in me. That's how it was all through college. We'd have the occasional fling, when neither of us was otherwise called for. It just wasn't as often as it used to be, and I hated it.

* * *

The muted sound coming from the piano was hauntingly sweet.

It was beautiful and reminded me of Bella instantly. I didn't know I was capable of making my own music so emotional.

Removing my hands from the keys, I slowly opened my eyes. I ran a hand through my hair again, and let out one long drawn out breath. I put my other hand back down on the keys and stroked them softly for a moment before lowering the cover.

I stood from the bench and walked over to the couch, lying down on my stomach I buried my face into the cushions.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago I realized what those feelings had been. I was with my date in a fancy restaurant when suddenly she slapped me.

"_It might be nice if you would stop talking about another _woman _while on a date with_ me_,__" _She had fumed_, "Why did you even ask me out when you are so __obviously__ in love with this-this_ _Bella!__"_ She spit her name angrily, before she spun on her heel and walked out of the restaurant.

I remember staring after her, dumbfounded. I hadn't realized I had been talking about the thing Bella and I had been up to for the past few weeks until she said that.

I thought for a week about it, before realizing I had been jealous of all those men. It was even more shocking to discover I had very deep, very real feeling for Bella.

I tried to prove myself and that girl wrong, by dating madly again, but only succeeded in proving both of us right.

My last try at proving to myself I hadn't fallen hard, resulted in my current state of non-sleep, because I finally accepted it.

I was in love with Bella Swan, my best friend with benefits, sex-friend; my fuck-buddy. However you wanted to put it.

And I was going to make her love me too.

**That should be the last flash back, unless it's a little snippet here or there...but when i reread this chapter tomorrow, and based on if you liked this one or not, that may change...**


	5. worries

**Ok, first off, i'm sorry this took so long. My Aphrodisiac got more reviews, so i was updating that story. Then life got in the way. My car broke down in the middle of the highway for one...i had to go to a funeral four hours away for another.  
**

**I'm sorry this one is so short, but I felt that i HAD to get it out tonight...also i've got a poll up on the future to this story, so go vote! :D  
**

**Chapter Five**

"Bella…"

Her head was cocked to the side as she looked at me, leaning against her door frame.

"Bella, I love you." It came out in a rush. I hadn't meant to tell her this way, just blurting it out.

Her brows came together in confusion, "No, Edward, that's not possible. Remember you promised if you ever started to have feelings for me, we'd break this off?"

Panic took over as I reached out for her, "Bella-"

"No, Edward," She moved out of reach, "Didn't you ever think I made you promise me that, because I _couldn't_ return the feelings?"

I shook my head, ready to protest, but she cut me off again, "Edward, I don't love _you._"

A clap of thunder broke the immediate silence that followed her statement. A hard pounding rain began to fall, soaking me in moments. My hair stuck to my forehead as I tried to breathe and ignore the pain that lacerated my chest from her statement.

"Consider our agreement over; I never want to see you again. How could you break the rules, Edward?" She didn't wait for my answer, but instead slammed the door in my face.

The force of the door banging into its frame pushed me off balance and I fell backwards. The sense of freefall, as though I were falling from a high cliff, took over. I gave myself freely over to it.

I don't love _you._

The fall came to an end in a roar, as I was plunged deep under water. I was sucked under so far I could make out no colors or shapes. I struggled in the depths, trying to make it to the surface, needing to take a breath. Bubbles swirling around me and then upwards.

I don't love _you._

I paused in my movements, feeling as though there were a knife wedged deep into my chest. What would be the point of my next breath of air? Would it relieve the pain? No, but then I might see her again, even if she didn't want me.

I don't love _you._

"_Edward…"_

I wanted to keep trying to reach the surface, but I felt as though I had no energy. I needed to breathe, now. My mouth, opened and ready to suck in air, was greeted only with water.

"…_Edward."_

_I snapped my head around to look at my arm as a new pain arose. There was a hand coming out from the darkness, attached to me in a vice like grip. I tried to move away._

"Edward!"

I jumped. Opening my eyes I was met with the black leather cushions from my couch. Frowning, I turned over to face the person waking me up.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"Uh…" I was confused, "Yeah…why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh," She looked down, "It's just, you were restless all night, and it looked like you were having a bad dream."

So she had been awake? I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I sat up. "I've just got a lot on my mind."

"What were you dreaming about?"

I stared at her, blankly, before shaking my head, "I don't remember. I don't think I was."

She nodded, "Ok, well I just wanted to wake you up, so you knew I didn't steal anything. I've got to go, maybe I'll see you around."

The confusion must have shown on my face.

She laughed, "Sorry, buddy. But I'm looking for a guy who doesn't freeze up in the bedroom. I mean, you're sexy and all, but it's a shame that doesn't transfer well behind closed doors."

My jaw hit the floor. She thought I was lousy? _She has to be kidding me._

"Wh-you-bu-" I was still blinking.

She laughed again, and then reached her hand out to pat me on the shoulder, "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your secret…not that they'd believe me, anyhow. Besides, I doubt you even remember my name."

_Wow, nice girl. I can see why I asked her out in the first place._

She grabbed her purse and walked to the door. She paused before stepping out, looking over her shoulder at me, "It's Ashley."

* * *

Thoughts of Bella swirled around my head as I got ready for the day.

How would she react? Would she be alright with it, or would she react how she had in the dream? And maybe the most important question to me at the current moment, did _she_ think I was inadequate? Is that why she didn't want me?

I almost felt ashamed for such a thought, but a man has his pride.

I shook my head to dispel those thoughts as I walked down the street. I was supposed to meet Bella for lunch at 11:30, and it was already eleven. I needed to hurry. I made it a point not ever to be late when meeting up with her, ever since that time in college when she'd needed a place to stay and I ran out on her.

I could see my breath on the cool morning air, as I walked. Bella's cheeks would probably be flushed from the cold when I got there. Should I tell her over lunch, or should I wait until tonight?

I was at the last shop before the corner when something in the window caught my eye. Personalizing may be just what I'm looking for. I grinned to myself as the plan came into view.

I glanced down at my watch before moving to the store entrance. She wouldn't notice if I were only a few minutes late.

**Remember to check out the poll...And if Bpov is the one chosen, if you would like to PM me a part in the past i've mentioned in Epov you'd like to see, i'll consider it.**

**Again, i'm sorry this took so long. But i update my stories based on how many reviews they get, and you all wanted My Aphrodisiac...and that's been a week. Yeesh, i feel so bad.**

Do you guys think that Edward is out of character in this one? Because I feel like he is. If you vote Epov in the poll i'll do my best, but no promises...ah...lol

before i forget, THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS!


	6. Back again

**(Whistles) Has it really been four months? I am sorry. I know I've been saying to many reviewers that I would update soon all this time. But today I made a promise that i would, so well...Here it is. This story should take a turn at this point, since Edward is no longer reminiscing at home**. **That was originally, the furthest I had planned to go with this. Any way, I've changed my pen name from Technically a lie to Space Glitch, I may change it back, but for now that's what it is. I am sorry again for the lateness...**

**Are any of you still with me?**

_Recap: Edward has been at home in bed thinking about Bella. He's just realized he's in love with her and has planned to do something about it. Last we saw him he was on his way to go have breakfast with her, when he got sidetracked by something in a shop window._

**Chapter Six**

I wasn't disappointed when I arrived at the restaurant. She was sitting in a booth in the corner, gazing casually out the window and twirling her ring between her fingers. Her windblown hair lie haphazardly around her face, a light flush still painted upon her cheeks, not yet faded from the warmth of the room.

She must have caught my movement from the corner of her eye, because suddenly she was looking up at me. Her eyes immediately brightened.

My heart decided to find an escape route from my chest.

She leaned across the table, pointing her finger at me with a wide smile, "You're late!"

"Mmm," so she did notice. I glanced down at my watch, trying not the let the smile break out, "Only by six and one half minutes. Surely that isn't enough to be scolded for?"

"Huh, well maybe if I weren't talking to Mister Punctual. You usually beat me here, what's up?"

It was endearing, how she would cock her head to the side as if she could better figure me out by looking at me sideways.

The waitress chose that moment to pop up smiling widely, she didn't acknowledge Bella. I looked away, towards Bella as I ordered for us both; we always got the same thing. I figure, if I am going to make myself into a better person for her, flirting with any other woman was out of the question.

Bella had turned her eyes back out the window, suddenly looking uncomfortable. Did she always do that? Pretend she wasn't at the table whenever I'd flirt shamelessly with the waitress? Did it make her so uncomfortable she had to look away when I scored a number off another woman?

Maybe I was just being an arrogant jackass…again…Who wouldn't be uncomfortable in that situation? It didn't mean she had any sort of feelings for me. Though I could only hope.

"Are you _sure_ there isn't _anything _else I can _do_ for you?" The waitress said this in a tone that would usually have me grinning like a jackal.

I didn't smile today, "No, thank you, but that will be all."

Bella suddenly looked back at me, surprise written all over her features, and confusion. I sighed, smiling softly at her.

My beautiful Bella, what must you think of me?

It was my turn to cock my head to the side to better study her reaction…maybe she was on to something with that.

She smiled back, tentatively at first, but wider as she realized I was only looking at her. The waitress huffed and walked away.

"So what has you so anxious?"

She frowned. Moistening her full pink lips with her tongue and then pressing them together, "What makes you think I'm anxious?"

I raised an eyebrow at her and nodded my head slightly; looking down at the ring she was twisting within her fingers. Her eyes followed mine, where they paused for a moment before she stopped messing with her ring.

She flushed a lovely pink hue, "Old habits die hard, I guess."

I nodded, "You know you don't have to…" I let the sentence die before I could finish it. She knew she didn't have to wear it anymore. Reminding her that her parents never came to visit wouldn't make her happy, "tell me if you don't wish. Though I'd love to know what you are thinking."

She smiled at me and shook her head, "I know, it's just…Well, my mother called today. Even after these past four years, she's still trying to talk me into moving back home."

I nodded, "Is that all?"

She snorted, throwing her head back a little, "Of course not, Edward. She also told me it was stupid to move clear across the country because of some _boy._"

I grimaced, my fault again. "I'll bet you didn't like that. I shouldn't have talked you into it. I'm sorry, now you are at odds with your family more often than not. In my defense it's only _half _way across the country…and I just couldn't bear to lose you."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Nonsense, Edward. You _are_ my family. And besides, Chicago _is_ my home. The most important people in my life live here."

Smug, the emotion was all over me after that. Was it wrong to feel a swelling of joy encompass my chest when she called me her family?

Our food arrived then, and we were silent as we both enjoyed our meals. When the waitress came back with the check it had her number written on it, now super aware of Bella's every move, I watched as she turned her gaze to the table. I stuffed some cash into the folder and handed it straight back to the waitress.

"Keep the change." I looked back to Bella, "Bella, are you ready?"

She looked up at me, at the black case the bill had come in, up to the waitress' face, and then back to me. A bright smile lit up her features. I was instantly dismayed. She really must think awful of me if turning down a number were enough to warrant such a smile from her.

We pulled our coats back on as we stepped out into the brisk December air. I held my arm out for her. I'd rather not take any chances of her falling, what with all of the snow. Her eyes were bright again as we walked along the street, peering into the front of shops as we walked by. It was our Saturday morning routine. Her nose was already starting to turn red from the chill, white puffs of air furrowing in front of her nose and mouth at her each breath.

"So how is the store doing?" It's almost sad that I'm more interested in hearing her talk, then how the hole-in-the-wall Coffee Shop was doing. What is wrong with me?

She smiled up at me and my heart beat wildly in my chest, oh that's right.

"It is doing great actually, how's the gym?"

I shrugged, "I still don't see what your major, _Graphic Design_, has to do with Coffee and books…or CDs for that matter. How did you become manager again?"

It was a comfortable place, easily looked over. It had nice leather couches, and a small area for books and CDs. It was more a book store than a coffee shop, but the coffee brought in the most customers.

She laughed again, a peal of bells. "The owner liked my attitude. Besides, you're not one to talk Mr. Personal Trainer, _Art History major._"

She had me there, "Way to use our majors, huh? Tell me, why did we go to college again?"

The rest of the afternoon fell away, but even amidst our playful banter I was burning. I wanted nothing more than to pull her to me, hold on to her fiercely and never let go. I wanted to stand in the middle of a crowd and kiss her senseless. I wanted to make her mine, and I wanted everyone to know it. Mostly, I just wished I had the guts to tell her.

Even now I could hear her voice play back to me from my dream, _I don't love you._

Even worse than that: _I never want to see you again. _

The way she was looking at me now, I doubted it. But she did have a way of surprising me, frequently.

We stood in front of her apartment door, her back turned to it facing me. She looked up at me from under her lashes, biting her lip gently.

"I had a really good time today, Edward…I always do, but…I don't know what's changed," she looked down at her feet for a moment before looking back up, "But I'm glad to have this happier you back."

She blushed at the end and my heart thumped painfully in my chest. Carefully I reached my hand up and brushed my fingers down her cheekbone.

I leaned in, kissing her nose softly before resting my forehead on her own. I took a moment to breathe her in.

"I'm glad to be back."

**And the verdict is?**

**I'm a little worried no one is interested in this story any longer, as it has been so long since the last update. I'll definitely update a lot quicker now, if you are still interested.**


	7. Brainstorm

**Hmm...so this chapter was pretty hard to write...It's short, but pretty important...So here's the deal: You review and I'll work hard to get the next chapter out by this Sunday. If not, then well...probably not until Monday or Thursday. It should be a lot easier to write. **

Chapter Seven

A lot can happen in a week.

You could move across the country and get all settled in, perhaps befriending the next door neighbor after a big promotion.

Someone could go to the doctor's office, for something as simple as a bruise, and come out with some disease or cancer. They would have to then look through their options, and break the news to the family.

Perhaps, in just one week, you could find out your significant other is cheating on you, leaving you all alone to raise your child. And when you turn to your family for help, they want nothing to do with you for lies sent their way from the very person you were supposed to be able to trust above all others.

And maybe, you could fall in love. Helplessly, hopelessly, in love. Maybe in just one week, you could realize the love of your life has always been there. Always right there by your side, and you never noticed because you were too busy trying to find a face in the crowd.

It could happen…You hear the stories all the time, on the news, and in the movies…

And yet…very little can happen in a week…

"Edward?"

I sighed.

She's sleeping, here in my arms, and I'm thinking about how little has happened?

_So you haven't told her yet, Edward. Just suck it up and be a man, what's the worse that…no, don't think that, something worse can _always_ happen._

"Edward…"

That's the third time she's breathed my name, light as a feather, a warm caress.

My body ached to be with her. I hadn't followed her inside that day I decided I was going to make her mine. The day I decided I was going to tell her I loved her. I couldn't.

She didn't say anything then, just stayed for a moment longer than necessary on her front step, before turning and walking in. But it had always been like that. She didn't say anything, not even goodbye, which made it an open invitation.

But I didn't go in…I had wanted to, god did I want to…but it would have been _wrong_.

If I was trying to make myself into a better person for her, jumping her the first chance I got would not be helpful. I decided then, that I wouldn't touch her again unless I was sure she absolutely wanted it. I didn't want to touch her again until she knew I loved her…because I didn't just want to have sex with her…I wanted to make _love_ to her. Because it is what she deserves.

This decision led to my current situation. Holding her while she sleeps.

Chivalry sucks.

"…Edward."

Her hand came up to cup my face. I thought she was awake for a moment, but then she sighed and turned away. Her shirt slid up her side as she turned, leaving a sliver of skin showing at her hip. I traced circles in the bare skin there with my fingertips.

I'm still not sure how she ever agreed to our arrangement. But, then again, I don't know much about what happened in her life before she moved to Forks. She always refused to give up any details, claiming her life to have had nothing of any significance in it before then. Though I had never believed her, I also never pressed the subject.

Maybe I could bring it up? And say what?

"_Hey, Bella. You know how you always told me nothing significant happened before you moved to Forks? Well, I'm calling BS on that…"_

_Bloody brilliant, Edward. You _are_ the epitome of intelligence._

The phone rang in the other room…Time to get up.

I eased myself out of the bed, trying not to wake her, and walked softly out to the phone in the living room.

I looked at the caller ID, grimacing before I answered, "Hello."

"Oh…_Hi,_ Edward..."

She didn't like me. You could hear the hostility in her voice.

"What are you doing there?" she continued.

I didn't suppress the urge to roll my eyes. "I stayed the night Alice."

"Again?"

"Yeah, you know I prefer it if she isn't here alone at night. She's a single beautiful woman living in an apartment in a big city alone. Thanks for moving."

I made my way into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

"Whatever, Edward," she snarled, "I'm doing something I love. Bella doesn't hold that against me. Now shut up and put her on the phone."

Alice had moved out of their shared apartment about six months ago. She had been offered a job as a journalist with the _Seattle Times_. She originally came out to Chicago because she was trying to get away from her parents. She hadn't trusted me to take care of Bella, and so her decision to move here. She was right in that area as it turned out. Missing Seattle, she turned in a job application.

Bella, of course, had been selfless and encouraged her to go. Alice called daily.

"I can't."

"What do you _mean_ you 'can't'?"

I sighed, scooping coffee grains onto the filter, "Well Alice, it just so happens that she is still asleep. Was there a point to your unwelcomed call, or can I hang up now?"

"You are such an ass, Edward Cullen. I'll bet your mother would be proud of the man you have become."

"Right," I closed the lid to the coffee pot and turned it on, "hanging up now. You have a great day in Bitchville. Try not to get frostbite on that heart, OK?"

"What? Don't you _dare_-"

I quickly snapped the phone shut. I had forgotten Alice's dislike for me was a completely mutual feeling. Where exactly did she get off thinking she could say something like that? Who the hell did she think she was?

I placed my hands on the counter on either side of the coffee pot. Fucking Alice. I don't understand how Bella can stand her. Maybe she knows hypnosis.

"Mmm, that smells amazing."

I snapped my head around to look at Bella. Her hair was a haystack, and her pajamas rumpled. Still beautiful.

"Did I wake you?"

She shook her head and smiled, "No…I think it was the phone. Who called?"

"Alice."

She nodded and bit her lip. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she shifted her gaze to the coffee, watching it slowly drip down into the pot. Her hair fell back into her face. "Did she say what she wanted?"

I shook my head, deciding not to mention the conversation. It bothered her that Alice and I didn't get along.

"How long have you been awake?"

I shrugged, "Not long."

_Wasn't there something I wanted to ask her?_ I looked up at her, furrowing my eyebrows._ Something about kids? No…_

"What?" She was shifting a little in her spot, uncomfortable.

"Nothing…I was just thinking about something I wanted to ask you, but I can't remember what it was."

She laughed softly, and moved to get two coffee cups from the cupboard. "You'll remember when it's too late to ask, or when it's no longer important."

I laughed with her, "Probably."

"What do you think it was about? Maybe by brainstorming you'll remember." She smiled up at me sweetly.

I grinned and laughed again. What was it about this girl that made me feel so damn good?

I tucked the strand of hair back behind her ear. The phone rang again, and I stepped away.

She looked up at me from under her lashes and walked away, "Hey, Alice."

.

.

.

**Don't you hate when you forget what you were thinking about? Ugh.**

I wrote a one-shot I might expand into a short story. A majority of the reviewers for it seemed to want one...but how long of an expansion it is really depends on if any of you would like to see it. So leave a review if you'd like to see more of it.

**The next chapter will be longer. And more interesting...I promise.**


	8. Meh

**Hey, It's Thursday, like I said...:D I'm sorry for not getting back to any of your reviews...  
**

Chapter Eight

"Jasper? Where the hell have you been?"

"Yeah, Edward…Sorry, man I've just. Well I've had some things going on recently."

I sighed, "Yeah? Has work been catching up with you?"

Jasper was an accountant for some company in Seattle. He might not have moved out to Chicago with me after high school, but he phoned all the time. We had never really gone more than a week without at least a quick 'Hello'. We liked to keep in touch.

"You could say that."

"Right…so, how the hell are you? It's been nearly two months."

"Hey, don't put all this on me. You have my number as well. What have you been up to, huh?"

I chuckled into the phone as I made my way around the front desk at work and out to my car, "True…and…well I've been over at Bella's mostly."

"Really? How's that going?"

I popped the trunk with the remote and shoved my bag in and sighed, "I love her, Jasper."

There was a pause while I got into my car.

"That's…that's good for you Edward. I'm happy for you."

"Happy for me? Says the relationship pariah."

"Well, actually...about that….I kind of met this girl."

"Really?"

"She's kind of what I'm calling about actually…"

I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me. But I guess after all these years of knowing Jasper as the 'one-night-only' man, having a sudden serious conversation with him about women is a little off setting. But whatever, her name was Mary and she had him coming back again and again. Kudos to Mary.

We hung up just as I pulled in to Bella's. She wasn't home yet so I figured I would make dinner. Women liked dinner being made for them, right? A client of mine, Emmett, would tell me to just take her _out_ to dinner. Somewhere fancy that you had to dress up to go, and where they served smaller portions equivalent to how much more expensive the meal was. Then again, Emmett didn't know Bella.

I set my keys down on the table near the door and walked over to check the phone for messages. There was only one, from Charlie, this morning. He had taken her departure better than her mother. Apparently Renee had been under the impression Bella was going to college in Arizona. Not that I really knew anything about Renee.

Bella still had a soft spot for Charlie, even if he _didn't_ call often. Bella would be sad she missed the call. I quickly wrote the message down on the notepad next to the phone and made my way to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

I just pulled the pan off the burner when she walked in.

"Mmm, what are you making?"

I looked over my shoulder at her and grinned, "Spaghetti."

She smiled and walked over to look at my creation. She laughed, "When are you going to stop calling Macaroni and Tomato Sauce, Spaghetti?"

I smirked at her before raising my hands up in a defeated manner, "Hey, you make Spaghetti your way, I make it mine."

She pulled two bowls from the cupboard and dished us up. It's rather interesting to note this is all normal now. I never used to spend so much time here, but now I never leave. I'm sure she's going to start charging me rent soon.

She doesn't seem to mind my company. I grimaced to myself as I added salt and pepper, is she _only_ minding my company? I should really tell her how I feel.

But how the hell do you bring that up?

_Hey, hun how's the food?_

_Great thanks. Hey listen, I love you. Just thought you ought to know._

Nice, that's a completely unrealistic scenario.

I suppose it would be best to just spit it out and stop agonizing over it.

I looked up, taking a breath. She slurped her drink.

I jerked my head back a little, huh. I opened my mouth to speak, but again she slurped her drink.

I sighed, "Would you stop that?"

She set her drink down slowly and looked up at me, confused. "Stop what?"

"Slurping your drink."

Her brow furrowed as she frowned, her voice sharp, "What is it to you?"

I raised my eyebrows, surprised. What was the big deal? "It's annoying."

She full on scowled, "It's none of your business."

"That you slurp?"

"To tell me to stop!"

"Well I wouldn't want you to do it in public!"

"Gah," she stood from her chair, "You sound like my Mother!"

I stood up as well, "I wouldn't know! We never _talk_ about her. Even after all these years. It seems all I am to you _still_ is a good _fucking_ lay!"

"Shut up! Just shut up! You don't know what you are talking about!" Her cheeks were flushed with rage as she spun on her heal and stormed from the room.

Well hell. Does she honestly think she can spit at me and then walk away? I stomped after her.

"Whose fault is that? I do remember asking on the occasion."

"Leave me alone."

"No," I stepped in the way when she went to slam her door on me, catching the edge in my hand.

"Yes!"

"Not until you tell me about her."

"Get the fuck OUT!" She screamed at me. I don't think I've ever heard her scream at me before.

"No."

Tears started to run down her cheeks, and I instantly felt bad. I shouldn't have pushed it. Stepping into the room I pulled her into me as she sank slowly to the floor, until she was sitting in my lap. She pushed at me for a minute before giving up and sobbing into my shoulder.

"Did you know she had my whole life planned out?"

I stroked her hair, not knowing what to say. She continued without my input.

"Everything I did was a part of her plan. I could get nothing but As because then I wouldn't get valedictorian. I couldn't be friends with certain people, I could only dress a certain way. I wasn't allowed to talk unless I was asked a question directly. I couldn't call her Mom. She was Renee, _not_ Mom. _Mom _made her feel old."

Her sobs were slowly fading away and she used my shirt to wipe her nose.

"Then one day she came to pick me up from the school and saw me talking to one of my friends, a boy. That's when she bought me the Chastity Ring. She said I wasn't allowed to like boys, or talk to them, because that would make me a whore. What would my future husband think of me?

"Coincidentally, that is when I decided to stop listening to her. I wanted to live for _me_. I snuck out at night. I went to parties and broke the promise only she was holding me to. She shipped me away to Charlie when my grades started slipping to Bs.

"I just…Why couldn't she ever love me? What was wrong with me that everything I ever did was wrong? I could never do anything right…God, you must think I'm a baby."

She started crying again, into my shirt. I held her close and rocked her, not liking to see her in pain.

"God, Bella. I love you."

She stiffened in my arms suddenly, and pulled back. Her brows furrowed together and she looked up at me with that look I couldn't say 'no' to. The one where her eyes went all wide and her mouth dropped open, just slightly.

"What?" she breathed.

* * *

**meh. Thank you guys, that gave me your opinion on my one-shot. :D**

**You'll learn more about Renee later...probably...that is if you want to...I don't know if you guys want to know about her and what happend with Bella in phoenix...Obviously it's not just what she said, but If you don't want to know, I don't have to write about it...:D**


	9. It didn't matter

**So, sorry this took so long, but I've been a bit busy. And I didn't think very many of you would really care how quickly it got out...so...lol here it is...**

Chapter Nine

There were three seconds of silence, three heartbeats…three breaths.

An eternity.

However you wanted to word it, the length in time which passed seemed to last a lifetime. Maybe it was because the way she reacted to this would change the rest of our existence. Maybe it was because I wanted, desperately, for her to really not have heard the words I spoke.

Would it be asking for too much that her faintly uttered, 'what?' was really her asking me to repeat the phrase she hadn't heard? Would it be too much to ask that I had only imagined saying the words? Really? Did it have to end this way?

Panic arose within my chest as I thought about the rejection she was sure to give me. I knew I had not told her for a reason. She wasn't ready to hear this. I'm not sure she would ever be ready to hear it. It was why she agreed to this whole mess in the first place, and why she came up with the 'rules'. She didn't believe in love, or marriage. To her, happily ever after was just a fairy tale.

And, honestly, it _would_ be too much to ask.

I found my breath caught in my throat as she stared at me, awaiting my answer. Her eyes were still red and she had tear stains down her cheeks. I could repeat myself, I had the perfect opportunity. She would believe me. All I had to do was open my mouth and let it fly. I simply had to make my lips reform the words so she was sure of what she had heard.

But would she be angry with me? I had promised so long ago that I would tell her if I started to _really_ like her. Obviously I hadn't told her. Surely she would have pieced it together? Is that why she's looking at me the way she is?

I wouldn't be surprised really. She noticed everything.

What a flaw in the plan I only just realized. I haven't been intimate with her and yet I never leave her alone anymore. Of course it was a lot harder to do than it was to say. I still wonder at how it was possible I could deny her. _How_ could I deny her when her slim, slender fingers were _loving _me? Who could deny her beautiful plump lips, caressing them? Ah.

And after those three seconds? Those three heartbeats, and all of eternity?

The phone rang.

Of course the phone rang.

The sound was both my salvation and my hell. The moment to come clean was over. The moment to tell the truth that had been haunting me for longer than I would like to admit, passed by almost as soon as it arrived.

The noise cut through the room. Bella jumped a little and looked around the room before looking back at my face. Abruptly the house phone stopped ringing and her cell phone picked up. It had to be Alice, I knew she would answer it and I knew I had missed my chance. This _should_ make me happy. I _should_ be more than relieved right now.

With one last hesitant look across my face she moved away from me, searching for her cell phone. Sure enough I could hear Alice's voice on the other end. I sighed. Alice always had impeccable timing.

I suppose saying that I loathed Alice was laying it on a bit thick. She _was_ a good friend for Bella, weather I wanted to admit it or not. I just couldn't see how Bella could stand her. Alice was always moving, always bouncing and hyper active. And she _never_ shut up. She had to have her nose all up in everyone else's business and if she didn't get her way she'd pout and throw a guilt trip at you. She was a manipulator if ever there was one.

I didn't like being manipulated into doing something so that it would suit another person's needs or wants.

I prefer to call it an intense dislike.

"_What_, Alice?"

The pain in her voice had me looking up sharply. Obviously I had missed something. I moved swiftly to Bella's side just in time to hear Alice on the line faintly.

"Oh, Bella. He's been taken to Harborview."

"What do you mean he was taken to Harborview?"

She looked up at me as we both listened to Alice's next words, grief etched into her features.

"Air lifted Bella. It was an accident, some drunk driver blowing the red light."

The breath caught in my throat again. It must be bad if they were taken to Harborview rather than the closest hospital.

"But…_Charlie_, Alice?"

Sobs over took her body and I missed whatever Alice was saying to her as I wrapped my arms around Bella. Snapping the phone shut Bella turned in my arms until her face was pressed against my chest.

I tried my best to soothe her, rubbing circles over her back.

"Shh, it's alright. He is going to be fine." I cooed softly into her ear.

"But," she choked, "I never, and it's, but…I have to go."

Her hands griped tighter onto my shirt when she said this, as if she were bracing herself for a reprimand. I didn't understand the reaction. Of course she would want to go. Charlie was most likely in the ICU, probably not doing well.

She never really talked about it, but I knew she hadn't left things with Charlie the way she would have liked. Occasionally when he would call Bella would pause at the end of the conversation like she was going to start on a new topic, before shaking her head and ending the conversation. There were certain things she liked to say to a person directly rather than over the phone.

When she would catch me looking at her after such a conversation she would shrug her shoulders and say 'maybe next time'. She didn't like how uneasy her relationship with her father was, but she always managed to push off that conversation with him until later.

It's funny. The things you put off until another time, because you think you've got all the time in the world.

So of course she would wish to go.

I'm not really religious. But I now had an overpowering urge to pray or something to anyone, or anything that might be out there. To whatever might be listening. Perhaps if the need was great enough the universe would answer.

And so, looking towards Bella's ceiling I reverently sent my thoughts to the stars, _Please, please let Charlie be OK. And if that's too much to ask that he live, at least keep him around long enough for Bella to see him. Please give her that._

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against Bella's. She deserved the chance to make things right with Charlie.

Maybe there wasn't a god, or any other higher power that might be able to hear and grant my wish. Even if there was I doubt I would ever know. So maybe if I believed enough that he would be ok, he would be. Perhaps belief in your future and your dreams is what makes them real.

I nodded against Bella's hair and whispered, "I'll go with you."

She pulled away from my chest to look up at me with glassy eyes, "You don't have to-"

I cut her off, "I want to."

She put her hand to my cheek, barely touching the skin, "Thank you."

I took a deep breath, "You go pack our clothes. I'll go make the reservations at a hotel and call the airlines."

Surprisingly, she didn't argue with me about it.

I managed to get us tickets on the Red Eye, and was thankful we didn't have to wait until morning. We both called work on the way to the airport, explaining the situation.

The thought didn't escape me as I sat in the uncomfortable plastic seats waiting for the gate to open, about how quickly our priority worries changed.

A few short hours ago my biggest fear was that Bella would push me away as soon as she found out my feelings for her.

My gaze traveled down to my hand as my fingers were intertwined with Bella's.

Now my biggest fear was that she would never be able to talk things out with her father.


	10. Dissatisfied

**Hello all! Merry Christmas!! You know it's my birthday on Tuesday? Yup, another year older. :D I'm sorry this took a while, but when i've got it all out in my head it's actually harder to get down on paper...not that I do anything but type...**

Chapter Ten

Turning over, I looked at the dark outline of the girl lying beside me.

She wasn't the type I would normally go for. She was lovely, and yet still far from a model in appearance. She had curves soft and beautiful, but not the type that normally made heads turn.

She lies on her back, the pale moonlight filtering in through the hotel window illuminating her skin with a soft silvery glow. Her dark hair, curled slightly from perspiration, fanned out on her pillow, providing a frame around her face.

Lifting my hand I let it trace along her collar bone, barely brushing her skin with my fingertips. I slowly brought my hand down to slip through the valley of her breasts. I let my eyes trail down her body, slowly and silently comparing her to every woman I'd ever been with.

Her hair was smooth and silky, her eyelashes long and dark. When open, her eyes were the same color as her hair, and yet still inviting, pools of sunlight and waves of shadows. She was thin without being too skinny; she had dainty hands with delicate fingers. Small perfect feet lined with toes decreasing evenly in length from the big toe to the pinky. Her skin was so soft. And when she smiled it set her whole face aglow.

However, her upper lip was slightly too full to match the lower. Her skin so white it was nearly translucent. Her left breast-if you looked real close-was a little larger than her right, her legs a hairs breadth too short for her body. Her knees were a bit knobby and scarred from many crash landings. She was stubborn to a fault, and would argue her point until the end, even if she was wrong. Because she was always right.

She was perfect in nearly every way. Everything I never thought to ask for.

I took a deep breath, and removed my fingers from the delicate skin around her navel to pinch the bridge of my nose.

Closing my eyes I replayed the day's events in my head.

It had all started out ok enough.

And yet, I had never been more dissatisfied.

* * *

"Charlie Swan. What room is he in?"

I watched from several feet behind as Bella interrogated the hospital receptionist.

"Ma'am, I-"

"No, I am his daughter and you will tell me where he is-now."

Her dark hair fell around her shoulders in utter disarray and her cheeks were crimson because of the short walk from the car in the parking lot to the waiting room. Her eyes flashed at the receptionist showing she meant business.

The elevator doors came open with a ding and glancing over, I saw as Alice stepped out. Her short, usually spiky, black hair hung limp around her face and she had her head down for a moment, but she quickly looked up when she heard the commotion being made at the front desk.

"Bella!"

Swiftly, Bella turned on her heal, "Alice! Where is Charlie? Is he OK?"

She was quick to reassure Bella that Charlie was doing better as she led her into the elevator. I followed silently, watching as my girl was being held and comforted by someone else. I bit back the jealousy; it wasn't realistic to think that I would be all she ever needed.

When we made it to Charlie's room Bella quickly rushed in, leaving Alice and I alone in the hallway. Neither us spoke for a moment as Alice looked up at me, before leaning against the wall opposite of me and sliding down.

"I feel like a terrible friend." She said.

I tore my eyes from the poster above Alice's head to look down at her. She wasn't looking at me, but instead had her arms wrapped around her knees and her head resting sideways on them so she could look down the hallway.

She continued before I could think of anything to say, "When we moved to Chicago I told her I would always be her best friend, and always be there for her. But when I got the offer in Seattle, I wasn't thinking about her. I was so excited she told me to go immediately. It wasn't until I had already moved when I realized I had left her alone…So I called, as frequently as I could."

She sighed, and I wondered why she was telling me this. Holding her arms tighter to her knees, she continued, "You know, I didn't really know you very well in high school, but I hated you once we moved to Chicago. She moved there because of you. I didn't understand your friendship, but she said you were important to her, so I never argued. But then, you brushed her off so callously the first moment she needed you. I hated you for that. I never thought I could ever forgive you for doing that to her."

She moved her head so her chin was resting on her knees instead of her cheek, and glanced at me for a moment before turning her gaze to the door to Charlie's room.

"But…seeing the way she was clutching your hand at the reception desk…I had thought she would be here alone, that she would be completely out of it. In hysterical tears…I was ready to comfort her... Except she didn't need me," Alice brought her watery eyes back up to mine, "She already had you. You dropped everything in order to come here with her. I never thought you would do that. I…You really are a good friend for her."

I closed my eyes. To say that I was surprised by her confession would be an understatement. I slowly slid my way down my own wall and leaned my head back against it. "Thank you, Alice."

It was the most civil conversation I remember ever having with her. Usually my response to anything she said to me was "_Fuck you, Alice."_ I guess it was a big step for the both of us.

We fell into silence then, waiting until Bella finally reemerged several hours later.

She looked calmer as she hugged Alice, and thanked her for coming before turning to me and asking to go back to the hotel now, claiming she was tired. I raised an eyebrow, but nodded and didn't question her. It wasn't like her to part from Alice so soon after seeing her.

The ride back to the hotel was silent. I resigned myself waiting until tomorrow to question her, not thinking she would be willing to say anything else on the matter tonight. I wondered if Charlie had been awake while she was there, but didn't want to bring her mood down any farther in case he wasn't.

Bella surprised me though, once we made it to our room. As soon as the door closed she jumped into my arms, kissing me wildly. I caught her, barely, and then she wrapped her legs around me and clawed at my shirt.

It was hard to think, with her hot little body pressed all up against me. I kissed her back unthinkingly, pushing my tongue into her mouth as she pulled on my hair. I moved us to the bed, setting her down then quickly moving on top of her. She moved her hands down my back, then around my waist as she reached for my zipper.

I groaned into her mouth. Knowing we had to stop. I hadn't told her yet, and I wasn't going to take her unless she knew, "Bella..."

She pulled away quickly, gasping, "Please, Edward," She almost sounded like she was in pain and her eyes started to tear up, "Please, it's been so long and I…I just…I need you. Please? I just…I need to feel, and I…"

I couldn't stand to see her cry. So I stroked her cheek and hushed her. Leaning in slowly I kissed down her jaw, taking my time. If we were going to do this, we were going to do it my way. She was going to complain. I knew that. She would want it fast, and hard, and recklessly out of control.

I couldn't do that. Not now. I'd need to take it slow, showing her body what I couldn't yet express into words.

And so I took my time.

I started at her feet, removing her shoes and socks, kissing them lightly before removing her pants. I went back to her ankles and began making my way up her body, paying special attention to all of important parts. Running my hands up the outside of her legs as my lips made their way up the inside, flicking my tongue on the back side of her knees, and running my nose up her thighs.

I ignored the proximity of her sex as she squirmed, instead skirting around it and up to her flat, toned stomach. I passed my fingers up her sides and licked around her navel, tugging gently at her belly ring with my teeth. I spent the most time there, as it was my favorite part of her body, before continuing on. I placed light kisses up through the valley between her breasts, then climbed on of the peaks to swirl my tongue around the areola before moving on to suck at her collar bone.

She did complain, at first. But I refused to give in. I was already giving her what she wanted; she could give a little too. She could give me this. This little bit of herself, this time to properly worship her body. I was afraid that if I didn't do it now, I'd never get the chance to.

So I ignored her as she urged me to go faster, as she pleaded with me to just take her already. She was panting and moaning as I trailed my fingers down her arms and explored every inch of her neck, nibbling on her ear lobe. And still she asked me to hurry. She groaned and wrapped her legs around me, grinding into me, wanting it all. Hot and now. Until finally I gave in, shedding the last of our clothing. I pulled her legs further apart and entered her, still taking my time.

And though I was making love to her, for the first time-maybe even for the only time-I found myself completely dissatisfied. Not because it wasn't wonderful, because it was. Not because it wasn't passionate, and not because it didn't make me feel every ounce of love I had for this girl, because it did.

But because I was giving, and giving, and giving her everything I had, and she was taking, and taking, and taking it all. Because she wanted more, she wanted faster, and harder, and _please don't ever stop_. Because she wanted it this way and _please just fuck me_ and she was digging her nails into my back and pulling out my hair, and she was squirming all over the place.

Because she was moaning and screaming my name, and her whole body shook and clenched and she couldn't even breathe as she reached her orgasm. But mostly because after I spilled into her and moaned into her neck I still couldn't say that I loved her. I still couldn't tell her, and she smiled up at me, her eyes all bright, and she pushed the hair out of my eyes gently. Not expecting me to.

* * *

My girl shifting next to me brought me out of my thoughts. I ran a hand swiftly through my hair as I watched her wake up. She blinked her eyes open slowly, smiling softly upon seeing me.

"Hey," she whispered, sounding groggy.

I smiled back at her, and moved my hand to her face, brushing her bangs out of her eyes, tucking them behind her ear. Her eyes closed again, and as she lies there looking completely content I couldn't help it any more.

I could lie here and think about telling her day after day, and worry about the consequences like a little girl, or I could buck the fuck up and just let out with it.

I took a deep breath and let it fly, "I love you, Bella."

She sighed, the smile fading slightly from her face, and when she opened her eyes they were inexplicably sad.

"I know," She said.


	11. It's Complicated

**Hello Everyone! Here is the next chapter...sorry it's so short...and also you should go check out my sisters story it's called Curse of a Fallen Soul...Link is on my profile.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11.**

_She sighed, the smile fading slightly from her face, and when she opened her eyes they were inexplicably sad._

"_I know," She said._

I let out the breath of air I was holding.

"You...know?"

The corner of her mouth dipped down again, slightly, and she shifted her eyes away from mine.

"You told me in Chicago...Remember?"

So she had processed the information? Even though immediately after she got the phone call from Alice? When had she thought about it, on the plane? Perhaps the point is that she hadn't thought about it. Well, at least now it's obvious she doesn't feel the same.

"I," I sighed again, running a hand over my face, "I just thought you should know."

She smiled sadly at me again, "I'm not good for you, Edward."

I furrowed my eyebrows at her in confusion, rolling over to look more fully upon her. "What do you mean?"

Her eyes fell back down to my chest, though she seemed to be looking through me.

"You know how I told you about that time my mom found me talking to a boy, and totally freaked out? Saying I would be a whore if I continued to do so?"

I looked away from her for a moment thinking back on the conversation we had on her floor back in Chicago.

"_Everything I did was a part of her plan. I could get nothing but As because then I wouldn't get valedictorian. I couldn't be friends with certain people, I could only dress a certain way. I wasn't allowed to talk unless I was asked a question directly. I couldn't call her Mom. She was Renee, __not__ Mom. __Mom __made her feel old."_

_Her sobs were slowly fading away and she used my shirt to wipe her nose._

"_Then one day she came to pick me up from the school and saw me talking to one of my friends, a boy. That's when she bought me the Chastity Ring. She said I wasn't allowed to like boys, or talk to them, because that would make me a whore. What would my future husband think of me?_

"_Coincidentally, that is when I decided to stop listening to her. I wanted to live for __me__. I snuck out at night. I went to parties and broke the promise only she was holding me to."_

"Yes," It had been the first time she really told me anything about her mother. Other than the fact that she had been really strict.

"I didn't just break a promise. I broke it several times over. Over and Over. Not with one boy, or two, many. It was wrong, and I knew it was, but it made me feel like I finally had control of my life. It was a part of me that she couldn't touch."

Her eyes were filled with tears, and her voice shook, yet she didn't cry. Her right hand creating a fist with the sheets.

"I felt like a whore. Either way I couldn't be satisfied. So when I was offered a few little white pills…I took them. It seemed like when I had them in my system everything was ok. Before long I could have run my own pharmacy with all the different pills I had…I never actually did anything else though, because my mother found them one day while searching through my room while I was at school. She was all set on kicking me out and completely disowning me.

"That's when Charlie found out. He made me go to rehab before I came up to Forks. And so long as I promised not to fall back into the habit he would give me a bit of freedom. But he insisted I talk to my mother and apologize. She said she could think about maybe forgiving me so long as I upheld my promise. The stupid fucking ring. The whole reason I did all of those things."

I wasn't sure what to say to her. I had no idea she had a prior drug problem. Though it did help me to understand her feelings toward Charlie a bit. He had at least let her have normal teenage friends…Well not so much guy friends. I wrapped my arms around Bella and brought her to my chest. I rocked her back and forth for a few moments before speaking.

"I fail to see how that means you're not good for me."

She choked a laugh into my shoulder.

"Why do you think I made up all of the rules, Edward? My falling for you was going to be inevitable. You were so sweet. But I needed to give you an out. I knew I was right for making them when you started dating around. You started to get upset with the way your life was heading. I was so sure that I was ruining you, and yet at the same time I was too selfish to stop. You could pull away anytime you wanted to. That was also inevitable. I wasn't about to cut our time shorter. And besides sometimes when you leave and you don't talk to me. You have fun and a life and yet you're still not happy. I do that to you."

She gave a speech, but I was still stuck on the second sentence. "It was inevitable you were going to fall for me?"

Her whole body stilled for a second before she burried her face further into my shoulder. I could feel the blush on her cheeks as she nodded. "That's not the point Edward."

The point or not, I was grinning from ear to ear. "Did you fall for me?"

She took a breath, "It doesn't matter. It can't happen."

I frowned again, "Why not?"

She sighed and rolled away from me. "It's complicated."

I glared at her back. "What's so complicated about it?"

"It just is."

"Ok, so you don't love me. That's fine. I can deal with that." I winced, you could hear the frustration in my voice.

She huffed. Not a good sign. "I didn't say that."

"No you didn't say anything."

"You can't possibly be saying this to me right now. It's not as simple as check 'yes' or 'no'."

"Yes, it _is._ What makes you so incapable of giving anything?_"_

"Whatever, Edward."

Great. I pinched the bridge of my nose, out of agitation. Now she's pissed. I sighed, "Look, I'm sorry ok?"

"Yeah, "Short and hostile, "of course you are. You're always sorry. Don't worry, you can move on now."

"What? Move on from what? What are you talking about?" I sat up in the bed to get a better look at her.

She rolled her eyes, "From me Edward. I know that's on your mind."

I stared at her. "Actually I was thinking more along the lines of marriage. ..And children. You know, white picket fence. "

She turned over suddenly and sat up, her face and voice incredulous. "What? I'm not going to marry you!"

"Why not?"

"Jesus, Edward." She was looking at me like I was insane, "I don't believe in marriage. It just doesn't work. It's not forever. It's so easy to undo. There are so many different reasons to choose from. Why are you smiling?!"

I hadn't realized I was smiling. But it only got wider as I thought of a reason she hadn't specified. "But not because you don't love me."

She glared at me and climbed out of bed, walking towards the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."

"You do, don't you?" I called after her. I suddenly felt really light, giddy almost. She didn't answer me as she shut herself in the bathroom, but I knew my girl. I couldn't believe I didn't notice before, had I really been stuck inside my own self pity party so deeply? God, maybe Emmett was right. I am turning into a woman. I did a quick search…yeah, nope still there.

A few minutes later she was out of the shower and I took my turn. She was just putting her shoes on when I came back into the room. I hurriedly ran the towel through my hair and started throwing clothes on. She'd probably leave with out me if I wasn't ready when she was.

"Are we going back to the hospital today?" I asked.

She nodded, moving on to her other shoe.

"Did you get a chance to talk to Charlie?"

She nodded again, and as she finished with her shoes she reached over for her purse.

"I'm glad."

Bella looked up at me this time and smiled, "Me too."

* * *

**So again the link to my sister's story is on my page again it's call Curse of a Fallen Soul. She just started it, so you should give her some love. It should be a pretty good story.**

**Here is the summary:**

**Bella never thought she would have a chance with Edward Cullen. He only ever saw the beautiful Girls. She didn't expect one conversation to change that...She also never expected to make friends with his sister. That was when it all changed. AU/AH**


	12. Four Years

Chastity Child

**Chapter Twelve**

It's been four years since my life started. Or ended; whichever way you want to look at it.

Po-tay-toe, Po-tah-toe.

Bella mostly stopped talking to me for a week after I first told her I loved her. We stayed in Seattle for those days, her constantly at the hospital for Charlie. I went too for a few hours, when we first got there and to pick her up, but she never said anything to me.

I knew she was just upset about the mention of marriage. She didn't believe in it, especially not after what happened to her parents and the great emphasis on its importance to God her mother always made. If even her _mother_ had been capable of divorce-once she finally _did_ divorce Charlie-then there was simply no hope for her…Or so she thought.

So, because I understood where she was coming from, I let her ignore me.

It was just as well anyhow, seeing as Jasper was in town. The last day we were in Seattle I let Bella hang out at the hospital all day, and found myself visiting Jasper. Bella and I were going to be catching a late plane back to Chicago, and I hadn't had the chance to stop by.

The girl he was with really had done a number on him. His apartment was neat and organized, even the furniture finally matched. He had never been big on that sort of thing.

We had been kicked back on the couch, watching ESPN and drinking beer, when a knock came at the door. Apparently his girlfriend-who now lived there-had misplaced her key.

I had been prepared to meet some leggy blonde. Some leggy blonde I didn't know. What I hadn't been prepared for was for Alice. When Jasper had told me his girlfriend's name was Mary, I hadn't thought that maybe he didn't tell me her name was Mary _Alice_ because he knew of my dislike for her. And I only knew one Mary Alice.

Brandon.

She's infiltrating my life; one person at a time.

She smiled at me sheepishly from the doorway, giving me a half wave. I wasn't fooled. Alice wasn't a sheepish person. I spent a good deal of time glaring the both of them, contributing-grudgingly-to the conversation.

That's when Bella started talking to me again.

She caught a taxi over from the hospital, wanting to say goodbye to Alice, and not knowing Alice was seeing anyone. They had argued for a bit before dropping the conversation. Bella felt betrayed that Alice hadn't mentioned Jasper, and then noticing I was there started to demand a reason as to why I hadn't told her.

She was ridiculous. Why _wouldn't_ I tell her if I had found out before she had? Once I had her convinced of my innocence on the subject, conversation resumed like normal. Jasper's mom said 'Hi', Alice and I argued, and Bella mediated. Sometimes she would take my side and sometimes she would take Alice's.

When we got back to Chicago I moved in to Bella's apartment.

I didn't tell her about it. I just slowly started leaving more and more of my stuff at her place and finding less and less a reason to return home. She finally caught on to me though, when she got home after work one day to find my piano in her living room.

She threw a fit. Demanding I take it back to my place, and what the hell did I think I was doing just moving my stuff in? She dropped it quickly though, when I told her I no longer had my apartment and asked if she wanted me to live on the streets.

I even proposed to her again. Well, proposed to her for real.

That day I was supposed to meet her for lunch, after first deciding I was going to tell her I loved her, I stopped at an art supply store. They had a sign in the window offering personalizations.

I picked out a journal out of the selection they had and brought it up to the register, specifying the personalization I wanted on the cover.

It said:

_1:24 AM –The first time we met._

_2:12 AM- The first time I fell in love._

_3:58 AM- The first time I wrote your song._

_11:36 AM- The last time I'm late._

I had a CD made of some of my compositions, and her song, and put it in the compartment on the back inside cover of the journal.

I took her on a picnic dinner in the park when I gave it to her. I explained what the each thing on the cover meant, got down on one knee and asked to be her husband.

She said no.

It wasn't that she didn't love me-she could admit it by then- because she did. Rather, as she said, I was hers. It was enough for her that I knew that, and that she knew that. In her opinion that meant everyone who mattered, knew.

She said, _"Edward, I love you. But a fancy piece of paper isn't going bind us together forever. We do that."_

She used the journal though. She would never tell me what she was writing in it, and was really good at hiding it, so I never found out. I was glad for it, though that wasn't the only time I proposed to her.

We had the conversation at least once a month for a year and half.

Charlie visited. He tried to come out a few times a year. It seems his stint in the hospital gave him a new perspective on life. I never did find out what he and Bella talked about at the hospital, but their relationship has been better for it.

Renee still liked to pretend Bella didn't exist. Bella didn't like it, but she knew she couldn't dwell on the fact she didn't have such a wonderful mother. So one day, when we were just watching TV on the couch she decided to tell me everything about her. She said she was letting go. She letting go of everything, so she could move on.

She has been happier since then.

When we moved in to a new place I got Emmett, from the gym, to help. He turned out to be a good friend, though when he brought his girlfriend with him it was a bit of a shock.

She was the blonde at the restaurant so long ago, who slapped me for talking about Bella before walking out on me.

As it turns out her name was Rosalie. Interestingly enough she forgave me easily, but she glared continually at Bella. It didn't take much to figure out what the problem was.

Rosalie was beautiful, but self conscious in a way. And by in a way, I mean she was very aware of how she looked. She was very aware that men ogled her wherever she went, and how they perceived her body. She couldn't understand why I would choose someone like Bella over someone like her.

She did warm up to Bella eventually. It took a while, but since her and Emmett started coming around so often she didn't really have much of a choice in the matter.

And as for how it's been the end of my life…

Well, they say it's hard for a man to marry, because then he'll only ever get to have sex with one woman ever again.

But she was the only woman I ever wanted to be with.

"Edward, I'm home."

I looked up at my girl, watching as she waddled in the front door, from my seat at the piano.

"Hey, Baby."

She grimaced, "I told you not to call me that."

I laughed, stood from the bench and walked over to her. I wrapped an arm around her waist, brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her.

"Bella, who said I was talking to you?" I teased.

Grinning down at her, my right hand rubbed the ring on her left hand, and then I slowly lowered myself down to my knees. Putting my forehead on her swollen stomach I closed my eyes, inhaling softly.

"Hey, baby," I whispered.

Lightly, I trailed my hands across Bella's belly, feeling for any movement.

As much as I would like to say she didn't marry me because she got pregnant, I knew better.

In fact I could remember her exact words.

"_If you really think I'm going to have a different last name than my children, you've got another think coming."_

It didn't really matter to me in the end, what her reasoning was for marrying me. I knew she loved me, so either way, I won.

A slow smile spread across my face as I opened my eyes, I tilted my head back slightly to look up at my wife. Bella ran her fingers through my hair, smiling down at me softly.

"I love you, Edward."

_Children. _She had said.

Now all we need is the fence.

* * *

**Hello, So that is the end of the story....I hope you all liked it...And I also hope most of your questions were answered. **

**Thank you for reading! :D**

**Oh and also, I have a new story out that is called The Awakening, you should check it out. :D  
**


End file.
